Session 05 - Why (04/07/2025)
It's been over a year since I've posted anything here. I'm sorry. I've just never been any good at keeping journals. Who knows if I'll ever post here again. I'd managed to score a job in September of 2022, and I fucking rocked that shit. I finally had enough money to enjoy life. I got a new PC, got a VR headset, developed a healthy social life, made an especially close friend, got back into art, started an outline for a trilogy of comic series, went to my first fighting game major, lost that close friend (definitely permanently, I hate to say), went to my first furry convention, met one of the people who'd initially sparked my interest in comics (Chu, not Hubbadawaha - wherever Hubba is, I hope she's doing great. I really miss her), got back into Space Station 13, started my own SS13 server, almost got into a relationship, and got a second fursuit head. That's awesome.
... And then it all fell apart. I lost my job at the start of February of 2024, got a temp position the next month, and was let go from it after having a panic attack. My setting up other job interviews during that time most likely didn't really help me out, either. Right now, I'm struggling to get back on my feet, and I feel a major sense of urgency due to having promised myself I'd finish my Kay Lakszo / Koik Lakszizo getup and go to Megaplex again this year. I'm not sure if I'll be able to make that happen, though there's nothing I want more in the world than to do so. If I don't, then I'm a fucking failure. I need to prove to myself that I can be happy and achieve my personal goals. I need to prove to myself that I didn't ruin my own fucking life by showing up fifteen minutes late. I'm disgusted and horrified and distraught by the fact that life has played out the way that it has, and I need to get back on top of my fucking game before it's too late. I'm so fucking scared.
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