Session 01 - Quarter Life Blues (08/07/2022)
There's a lot of shit in my life I regret. I'll be totally real with you here. I'm 25 years old right now, and I feel like my life really hasn't gone anywhere. People I knew as a kid now have degrees. They have lovers. Families. Homes. I'm sitting here, still trying to mentally catch up. Still trying to learn how to socialize, still trying to figure out who the fuck I even am. I can just feel young-me's disappointment in what I became. Sure. I mess around with game development for fun - I've done coding in Space Station 13 servers and strung together RPGs using engines I found online. That's shit I always wanted to do, making games, making worlds. That's... cool, I guess? But otherwise, I feel like I somehow forgot to do anything with my life. Or maybe I just wasn't enough, like the willpower I once prided myself in having as a teenager burned out when I realized just how the real world works. That phrase was always used to condescend me when I was growing up, and used to justify both grim realities and hateful delusions alike. I chalked it all up to the latter, but now I realize that things aren't so simple. The world is this massive, confusing mess - a tangled, wibbly-wobbly, disgusting ball of utter bullshittery that has so many sides and facets and details that we will never truly understand it. Worrying about everything will get me nowhere, and I know it would be smart to just roll forward with life. Stop pondering my failures, push forward and be optimistic. That's just... not so easy, honestly.
Out of context, I feel like slapping in a quote from my favorite band, Tally Hall, to end this short and admittedly kind of pathetic rant.
"... Comprehend if you can, but when you try to pretend to understand, You resemble a fool although you're only a man so give it up and smile."
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